I could see clearly that Jesus was with me…

I was baptized when I was about 10 years old, the same age as my son is now. At that age, I knew without a shadow of doubt that Jesus was my friend, even if I didn’t fully understand what it meant for him to be my Saviour. He was all I talked about and it must have been quite annoying for my friends and family.

My parents didn’t have a faith, my dad was raised in the Catholic tradition, so we always ate fish on Friday, and mostly still do, but that was it. Jesus found me, when I was about 7 years old and I was on fire for him. I was so keen to have my own bible I memorised all the books of the bible in order and recited them, to win the prize – this could only have been the Spirit at work in me. At that age I didn’t have much emotional baggage, and over the years I’ve picked up a lot and wandered from my faith – so many times, when I find my way back, I have prayed for that same faith I had as a child, the joy of knowing Jesus, without all the other stuff holding me back.

As a child of faith, my roots were shallow and like the Parable of the Sower, although the seed was sown, I hit rocky times in my teenage years. My dad’s best friend, suddenly passed away and my best friend lost her father. I couldn’t get my head around why God would let those things happen. I was going into secondary school and didn’t have any other Christian friends around me. I followed the crowd and just drifted away from faith and church. Life just carried on, and I ended up at University in Southampton – mainly to avoid paying any rent.

After Uni, I brought a ticket to travel to world and with a couple of friends, we set off through Asia, New Zealand, Australia and eventually South Africa. By the time I go to New Zealand, age 21, I had one burning question on my mind “What is the meaning of life? What’s the purpose of it all?” I looked for the answer in all sorts of different places; New Zealand is a very spiritual country and I worked on an organic farm and learnt about alternative philosophies such as Reiki, Tarot and Channelling – I witnessed things that made me realise these things hold power, but something didn’t feel quite right and they didn’t fill the gap or fully answer the question. I was picking kiwi’s to earn some extra money, but it was an El Niño year which meant that pickings were slim and there was little work – I was skint. The owners of the hostel were Christian and they invited many of us to attend an Alpha Course, with a free meal each week. My mind was open and I was hungry and curious, so of course I went along. I began to understand that God had never left me. He had always been working in my life. Throughout my travels I had always had enough, just what I needed; safety, security, somewhere to sleep, and food to eat – even if it was just pasta and a tin of tuna.

The Alpha session looking at the work of the Holy Spirit involved a weekend away at a retreat and on the Saturday night we were in a worship meeting, singing God’s praises. I felt God moving in me and I stepped to the side. Two ladies came to pray with me, one was speaking in tongues, which I didn’t understand, but I began to have an all-over body experience. It started at the tips of my toes and gradually worked through me to the top of my head. I could still hear the worship and talking around me, as the spirit filled me. I had my eyes closed, but I could see clearly that Jesus was with me and what I could feel was so so good; wholesome, pure, and light. I was being filled with the fullness of God, I was forgiven and I felt loved.

When we accept Jesus into our hearts, we become familiar with his Spirit working in us. It isn’t loud or brash, but more like a quiet whisper, a sense of peace, love and understanding overcomes us. Sometimes in the noise and busyness of life I can miss His voice, but with faith and in the quiet times, I can recognise where he is leading me. God is always faithful and keeps his promises. The challenges of life haven’t disappeared, but I am better prepared to face them with Jesus on my side.